Okay, I promise my story isn’t gonna be as gloomy as how the title sounds. I’m sure many of you would also relate to my story too. As a little background I’ve been doing arts for basically my whole life, I started drawing when I was like, 3? Or 4? Idk, how old is a baby when they learn how to hold a pen? Yeah, around that age is when I started doing arts and it is literally everything I’ve been doing. I’ve always been into making characters – OCs shall I say. Funamusea, Bleach, and Steven Universe are my huge influence. I love fantasy, I love action, I love magical sparkly nonsense. And because of Wadanohara and The Great Blue Sea and The Gray Garden, I have a dream of making an (indie) RPG of my own. I’m not quite there yet, but that’s beside the point.

Up until I’m in high school, or like 16 years old, I was never concerned or even interested about being internet famous (because of art). I preferred sharing my art in a LINE group chat or in my LINE PLAY diary for some reason, I do have IG but that was not for sharing art. But hey, that was probably my mistake and I do regret it until now. So when I was about to turn 17, I realized “Damn, I should probably start posting my arts on a proper social media,” and that was it. That was the turning point. That was the moment, where my life became, so so so stressful.

Now, being an artist – without the constant need of public approval and recognition, is probably one of the best things in the world, because you are able to visualize your thoughts and imagination into a media. But when all you do is searching for validation, recognition, or even fame – like me, it lost all meaning. It feels like you’re never enough, your art sucks and it is so hard to feel good or even proud about it. I am writing this while still feeling that way, so no, this is not a motivational story, sorry. I really do feel so bad just because I can’t get people to notice my art, because I don’t have enough followers or likes, because these social media platform algorithms are never on your side. I always feel like I wanna throw everything away, I wanna delete all my accounts, I wanna just stop doing whatever this is, sometimes I even wanna just quit living. I don’t know how many of you are feeling the same way I do, but if you are feeling like this, you’re not alone, ily, and all I can say is: Don’t do it. Don’t give up. Don’t throw everything away. Because that is exactly what I did.

I wouldn’t say I’ve overcome this, I haven’t, I’m probably still the same loser that I was. But at least I’m feeling better about my art. I still have the sudden feeling of worthlessness, but I’m sure I’ll get easier. I hope it will. So, I kept on drawing. And once I felt confident enough, I started doing commissions. I found Artistsnclients through one of my artist friends, and you know what, I really like how the system is. So I made a slot, and told everyone that I’m open for commissions on anc through all my social medias. Well at first it was reeeallllyyy hard because NOBOdy, legit nobody, wanted to commission me. Except one(1) person. But now that more people want to commission me, it really makes me feel better. About my art and about my life. Doing commissions also help – though not a lot – grow my social media account AND improve my art. So, yeah, I’m ever so grateful to have opened commission on November 2021.

So the point to this writing is, well, there is no point. I just wanted to tell you how freaking stressful it is to grow an art account and how it affected me as a person. Though I haven’t quite made it yet – and idk if I ever will tbh – I’ll still be doing arts. Because I love arts, I love my OCs, and I wanna make a game. So that’s that. If you’re in a similar situation, just remember, Pitbull has been there and done that. Thank you very much for reading this, love you.