Art Gave Me A Reason To Live

by A&C member : RESIQN

Hello! I would like to tell you about my story of how art saved me from illness and gave me meaning of life.

Before that, Hello there! my name is Resiqn. I've been working as a Comic Artist and Freelance Artist for fun.

I was diagnosed with cancer when I was young. Not only that, a few years later, I was diagnosed with Bipolar, BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and ICD (impulse control disorder) which makes my conditions getting worse.

I often pretend like my illness was nothing so everyone won't be worried. I used to think that if other people were fine, I would be fine but.. actually I was not.

The truth is I am deeply stressed and scared of death if I'm gonna hurt anyone like I used to do to myself everyday. It wouldn't be a lie if I'm not hoping to die but.. I can't, If I do that, everyone's efforts will be in vain and I didn't hope for that.

I used to lock myself in my room when I'm extremely unstable, with hope, I won't hurt anyone. I couldn't stop but started to hurt myself and pretend like it was nothing in the next morning.

I couldn't do anything. That's what I thought... 'till I decided to start drawing randomly. At first I just draw to distract my hand with hope, I will stop to hurt myself. A little bit a little bit I found a real joy behind it and started to be inspired by another artist by many comic books and manga that my family bought for me.

Years passed  before I realized, I started to randomly draw and draw everyday and look up to another artist. Somehow I was amazed with a lot of beautiful, sparkly scratches that the artist made. It sure makes me think positively and enhances my body's immune system anyhow. 'till one day, I got very exciting news. I'm cured from cancer..!! It sure makes me have a lot of spark of joy.

After that, I started to think what my next step is... "ah I know, maybe I can learn to draw digitally'' that's what I think. I want to draw girlish manga like I used to see in books. Well, At first it wasn't easy... but I don't care, I found my love and joy. As long as I enjoyed it, I feel like I found my life once more. Everyday and everyday.. and many years later, I started looking up to webcomics and started to draw for fun.

Many years later, I improved and found my passion in fantasy with princess theme-like. I started working as a professional comic artist. At first it was really really really not easy for me. Remember, I still have Bipolar and BPD on me. At first I was sure to destroy every schedule and the reputation studio where I was working. Once again, I did it again.

It's very frustrating. Before I knew it, I'm back to my old self. being depressed again and again before I knew, my mental health issue started to come to me again. I started to lock myself and throw every sketch that I did. Hurting myself for no reason. About a week after that... I looked at my messy room and started to clean it up to make a small step to make myself feel better. "I can't be like this, everybody must be worried... I've been gone for a week and I haven't given any news to my people" that's what I think...

I started to open my phone, looking up many missing calls and wallpaper on it. It's art from my favorite artist. It might be messy but it's a really beautiful scratch. truly... and then I started to open my room curtains, took a messy sketchbook and looked at every page that i have done. It might be messy, but I draw it with all my heart. yes.. all my heart.

I looked at the scar that was left on my hand, blood started to drip on my sketch. "Ah, I did it again..." I touch those scribbles that I made. The scribble has been scratching gently, not like I was scratching my hand roughly and left some scar on it. "Yes, I draw it with all my heart"

I started to cry, remembering how art saved my life and gave me a spark of joy and hope everyday. I can't be helped but put all of my emotions everyday. I want to be part of it. That's what I called as.. love.

I don't know what the real thing I want to say here but that's my story as an artist and now, I'm still struggling with my mental health issue and keep working as a professional comic artist. I hope my story will inspire you!

With love,